Posted by: Redgeek | January 9, 2018

Optimus Prime Dead At…How Old Is He?

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Autobot leader and licensed wedding planner, Optimus Prime, born/built Orion Pax, has died, once again. Officials report this latest death due to ransomware. Sources close to the former carrier of the Matrix of Leadership blames Prime’s negligence to update his anti-virus program for millions of years.

Galvatron in a statement last night said “The next person to call me Megatron gets a particle accelerator cannon where the CPU don’t shine.” Currently, plans are in effect to announce Arcee as the new Autobot leader. Seems the new leader is picked from names out a cranium compartment. “Doesn’t matter. We all know he’s coming back,” said Ultra Magus. “And he still owes me five energon cubes I loaned him at Autobot City.”

This time Prime’s funeral will be held inside Unicron’s head with Michael Bay leading the proceedings. Expect a twenty-one explosion salute. Guests will include members of G.I. Joe, New Avengers, and Styx.

Editor’s Note: An error occurred. Turns out the robot who died was in fact Leader-1, leader of the Guardians. As requested, his body will be melted down to make affordable cell phones for improvised families. We apologize for the confusion.

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