It took three long years, but I was finally granted permission to interview the estranged wife of the famous Flame Hero Endeavor. For the first time, we’ll hear her side about life at the Todoroki household, and that fateful day she injured her own son. Enjoy.
Redgeek: Thank you for agreeing to an interview, Mrs. Todoroki.
Ice Cube: Call me Ice Cube. It’s my nickname from high school.
Redgeek: I see. As a mother of four, I must say you still look crazy hot. The good crazy, I mean. *ahem* With a name like Ice Cube, can you rap?
Ice Cube: Of course. That’s how I got the name.
Redgeek: I thought it was because you have ice powers.
Ice Cube: *laughs* Oh, sweetie. I was this close to getting a recording contract. But–forced marriage.
Redgeek: Now tell me, what was is it like married to the great Endeavor?
Ice Cube: What’s there to say? Enji’s a narcissist. A sexy narcissist, mind you. Have you seen his butt? Honestly, it was the only thing keeping me sane for years.
Redgeek: So, you two had a good relationship? At least, for a while?
Ice Cube: Oh, yeah. It was nice the first few hours. Everything went downhill after realizing Enji unconsciously lights his farts on fire while sleeping. Yeah, its as bad as it sounds. That butt was the only thing good about him and even that was a nightmare.
Redgeek: There was nothing else positive about your husband?
Ice Cube: Let me think…no. The sex was hot.
Redgeek: Oh? That’s good.
Ice Cube: No. Every time he, you know, his junk caught on fire. Thank goodness for my ice powers. He thought I was into it but really that was only melted water leaking out.
Redgeek: Okay! Okay! I get it. Let’s move on to your son, Shoto. Why did you pour boiling water on his face?
Ice Cube: It was an accident, I swear. See, I was making ramen noodles then mother called. I was so distracted I didn’t see Shoto come in. The little darling loves ramen noodles, anything Japanese, really, but I was in no mood to share. Once, just once, I wanted a pack of ramen all to myself. Is that so much to ask? Anyway, I rushed to push him out the kitchen, tripped and threw boiling hot water on him. It can happen to anyone.
Redgeek: Then what happened?
Ice Cube: Next thing I know I’m dragged here. No ramen. No chance to explain myself. It was a terrible. *sob*
Redgeek: How are you doing now?
Ice Cube: Great! The first couple years were rough, but now I realize I deserve being here.
Redgeek: Because you hurt your child?
Ice Cube: Because I needed a vacation! I don’t have to cook, clean, or take care of the kids. Plus, I get to leave temporary if I’m good. Just last week, I spent the weekend in Spain. Have you ever been to Spain? Lovely country. Never had so much fun in my life.
Redgeek: Tell me about meeting Shoto again after all these years.
Ice Cube: It was nice, I admit. Between traveling and recording rap songs–Cracked Ice, my newest single, drops Tuesday–I think about my kids a lot, at least once a week. Anyway, we talked and played Uno–even shared a pizza. Topped with teriyaki chicken, of course. Still his favorite.
Redgeek: I’m glad you two are getting along. Again, thank you for your time. You are a remarkable woman.
Ice Cube: Thank you. Care to take an extra slice home?
Redgeek: Hell yeah!
Mammoth Base Opera Castle 